destruction and chaos.

​

chaos and confusion.

​

confusion and suffering.

​

suffering and pollution.

​

that’s what surrounds me as i try to escape from the terrors of this dystopian city, slowly suffocating every second. a dark aura covers this place like a wet old blanket. the building’s eyes are smashed, and its mouths are wide open. the streets were struck from the sapphire and midnight blue painted sky poking the city with its rods. a plethora of hot red led screens of my face are posted all around the city like flyers on a building, stating that i’m wanted for my rebellion.

i slide in between two large buildings to avoid being in the open space, and to catch my breath. my time here is unknown, and my reasoning for being here is unclear, but fleeing from the authoritative Figures and leaving this hellhole is the main objective.

survival is the prize.

i take this opportunity to scope my surroundings. i'm so close to freedom i can almost feel it.

i turn around and spot the Figures closely behind me, with their mouths open irregularly, screeching a weird repeating electrifying sound as loud as a car horn and as infuriating as a child pulling on your clothes.

i quickly dip from the alley and shake and shimmy throughout many buildings, trying to lose them, but hot on my trail they are.

i run past the main building when mannequins arise from the rooftops and begin to literally spit out hateful words in my direction, trying to block my path. the letters are engulfed in fire and dissolve like acid. the letters almost hit me, with some cutting my clothes and grazing my skin. 

flames and destruction drape the entire city. i duck, dodge, and jump around the fire, barely escaping, but the Figures are able to run right through all the chaos, unaffected.

i run into a long bridge, and at the end of it, i spot a light.

a light that’s bright. bright and inviting. warm and sweet.

a flaming letter quickly flies in and slices a chunk out of my leg. i involuntarily collapse to the ground. i turn around and see the Figures, looking like a blob of plastic and flames. the overbearing screech is now louder than a lightning strike 4 feet from you.

although severely injured, and the weight of the universe on my shoulders, the little light still inside me refuses to let me give up.

with a severe limp, i quickly get up and limp along the middle of the bridge, heading towards the light. with every limp, the pain gets worse and worse and worse. i still refuse to give myself up to them. i came too far to let everything drop.

peace and serenity. only a few feet left. 

the warmer i feel the light on my front side, the warmer the fire and Figures feel on my back side. i want to look back for some reason, but i know if i do, my face would probably touch theirs.

so close, yet so far. the closer i am to the light, the slower i am getting there. why do i feel so slow? why does it feel like everything and everyone is collapsing on me? did they get me? did i make it? i’m so close i can almost…

 

“I CAN FEEL THE LIGHT!”

​

     i wake up, wrapped in the shadows of darkness like a newborn baby. the space within is very limited, barely allowing my body to expand. the sound level is muffled. i can distinguish the sound of them having a discussion, but i can’t make out the words sliding off of their tongues. the smell of fresh cut wood turns into jets, flying to my nose. the laminated texture of the wood intertwines with my skin as i feel around.

   i’ve been having that same dream for a long, long time and have yet to see how it ends. at times, it feels like it’s happened before.

           light begins to devour the dark as the four Overseers open the box lid and slowly, creepily, lean inside, viewing me like a spectacle. seeing their weirdly ginormous, ashy shadow colored, generic gender human shaped bodies every single day always makes my body grow icicles. their faces are fully concealed under ivory-colored masks. the only thing that’s cut out of the masks are the eye areas. glowing mood telling eyes that shame the puffy clouds above. half of the Overseers possess the female persona, while the other half possess the male one.

      “take him to the inspection room,” O-GXM78 says. they lift me out of the box and carry me to the inspection room.

               the metal table is teeth chattering cold, causing my skin to gain bumps all over. as if i’ve been glued down, i don’t have the strength or the energy to raise my body up. they turn the lamp light on max, strip me naked, and inspect my entire body. their touch is very unwanted, but what choice do i have in the matter? O-GXF78 pulls out a clipboard and alternates between her view of me and whatever is on the clipboard. the light is becoming more aggravating the more that it’s on. i feel like it’s getting brighter and brighter and brighter and……

 

***

 “he looks like the ideal male. hopefully his insides are identical.”

“with the blueprint, he’s bound to become what is expected.”

“i hope he won’t be like the previous ones.”

“of course he won’t. he doesn’t have a choice. we didn’t. they didn’t. why should he be the exception?”

***

​

why did that come back to my mind?

       “he seems fine for now,” O-GXM80 says. “proceed to take him to the stage for rehearsal.”

    the Overseers pick me up and carry me out of the room. then, they place me in the dead center of the grand theater stage. the stage lights are shining its teeth directly at me, making it hard to see above me. i turn around and notice that i’m in a big room, which contains a living area and a kitchen.

  the Overseers then places my “wife” to the left of me. she doesn’t seem…here. her dark hair looks like it was pulled from all directions. the bumps of fear pop up all over her skin. her body is here, but her chocolate eyes look like they rode on the rollercoaster with the man in black. the Overseers sit in the middle of the third row from the stage, pulling out clipboards and scripts.

        “do you remember what to do?” O-GXF80 asks me.

   for this week’s scene, i have to play the role of a doctor coming home to his wife after a long night of operating a surgery on someone who broke their arm racing. the wife is supposed to discuss wanting children and the couple will have to come together and………right on stage…

      “yes, i do.”

“well, get to it. start from the top. you guys are the last scene, so we need to make sure you have everything down for the show tonight. are you ready, F-630?”

       “yes…i am,” she says in a ghostly tone

    “great. let’s get started.”

i head to the front door, close my eyes, and begin my lines.

              “hey, honey. i’m home from work!” i say.

         “hey, honey,” she says with a preppy and smiley tone. “how was the surgery? was it difficult to complete?”

        odd. she was practically a sitting corpse fifteen seconds ago, now she has the energy of a freshly inserted battery.

               “it wasn’t actually,” i respond. “due to my knowledge and previous experience, we finished with the client within reasonable time. we actually finished faster than I thought we would.”

    “that’s good. it’s great that you came home early. i get to spend some quality time with you, and we really need some alone time because i think it’s time for us to expand our family. everyone else is having children and it’s making their lives so much better, and so i figured that would make us happier, so let’s do it.”

she proceeds to come towards me in a seductive manner. she tries to undo my buttons on my jacket. she leans close to me, with her lips guiding the way.

            this part made me uncomfortable from the moment i read it in the script. honestly, a lot of things they make me do makes me uncomfortable.

      the closer she’s getting, the more sweat crawls out of my body. i look up to the stage lights to avoid eye contact. the lights get brighter and brighter and brighter and……

​

***

“how come i can’t change some things about my character?” i said.

“because we said so,” one of them responded. “you have to abide by the guidelines we have set. you don’t have any other option.”

“why? i feel as though i should be able to have room to create, or at least tweak, the character i play. i have been obedient to whatever you guys have told me to do for years. i’m not a child. what’s the harm in allowing me to experiment in differe--”

“SILENCE!!! you do as you are told. simple as that. do you need a reminder of what happens when you stray awa--”

“no.” a tear fell down my face…

“good. now, then…from the top.”

***

​

            a series of flashes of similar instances circulate my mind like a merry-go-round. same conversation, different scenarios. no matter the circumstance, it always ended the same. they get their way, and i shut my mouth. 

            i snap out of it and she’s as close to me as the thumb is to the index finger. i can feel her body temperature banging against the walls of my skin.

     “uh, uh, i can’t,” i loudly stammer. “i can’t do this! i don’t wanna do this anymore! i wanna be my own person!”

i turn towards the Overseers' faces, and their eyes say it all. they put Hell to shame. if their eyes could kill, i would’ve been stabbed through my eyes and fed to the nearest starving stray animal on the street. they haven’t moved a centimeter, but i can feel their insides jumping around like excited electrons.

i look back towards the woman, and she looks like someone dug into her heart and severed her soul from her physical body. she quickly turns to me and says with her ghostly tone returning, “what have you done?”

i turn back to the Overseers’ seats and they aren’t there anymore…where did they go? what happened to them? did i go too far?

       i frantically look around, but the girl is mysteriously gone. there’s no one in sight.

    i’m all alone.

 

​

 

  my body takes swift flight as my leg gets lifted up from the ground. the air quickly borders around me as i am being rapidly transported from the stage into the backrooms’ hallway. they hastily pass by my room and open the pearly door.

    they quickly shut the door as they tightly tie my ankle to a thick rope and hoist me up to the ceiling above a rusty metal trash can filled with steamy boiling water. although socially distant from the can, i can feel the heat waltzing all over my body.

       three of the Overseers stand in front of me with a large leather book. as they turn the pages and read specific quotes, the remaining one proceeds to pull the lever down, quickly dropping me in the boiling water. it instantly burns to the touch. the water feels like it’s trying to pierce its way into my skin. i want to scream, but i fear it will do nothing but allow the beast to enter inside.

     my body raises up from the water and back into the air again as the three Overseers continue to raise their tongues to consume the room with words from the book. i quickly gasp for air and cough up some of the water.

  should i beg for forgiveness or mercy? it’s never worked on them before. the only thing they do is stare at you creepily, then proceed to continue with their “re-education” method.

         they continue to dump me back and forth in Satan’s bathwater while reciting from the book for which goes on for a millennium and three quarters. my body feels weak, and my mind feels numb. it feels like someone put a house on my back. i can barely intake any oxygen.

“that’s sufficient for the moment,” O-GXF78 says. “hopefully you remember your place in this world.”

       O-GXM80 takes my ankle and drags me to my room and tosses me across the room, causing me to bump my head against the wall. they quickly slam the door and leave me there, feeling suffocated by the four walls and engulfed by the shadows of the corners.

       i sit in the corner with my head held down while the repeating words from the book run marathons in my head. i can’t help myself but sit there and let the water glide against my skin. how come they can’t see things the way i do? Is there something wrong with me? what are they not telling me?

               i use my hand to try to pull myself up when i notice part of the wall feels…fuzzy. it doesn’t feel normal. i pick at it until part of the wall falls down. behind it lies a little space containing a box. i take it out and i find tearing, yellowing, old letters. all contain the body’s natural ink swimming through it. where did these come from? more importantly, why were they hidden?

      i look all over the letters to see who wrote them, but no names are labeled on them. it’s not like i would know anyone anyway. the only people i know are the ones pulling the strings. why were they written?

​

“i can’t take it anymore…”

“i can’t survive under these conditions…”

“these demons have done nothing but plague my light…”

“the birds in my cage are locked under their key…”

“i've been beaten for being odd…”

“i've been ridiculed for my beliefs…”

“i've felt isolated for who i love…”

“i’ve been used as a spectacle…” 

“why am i here?...”

“why do i exist?...”

“when can i go home?...”

​

            these letters make my soul crumble like a broken marble sculpture. the emotional toll is an increasing snowball as i read and read and read. it’s so unfortunate that others like me are suffering from the same treatment. what did the Overseers do to these people? where are they now? i hope that they are in a better state than what was bled on these papers……

     *tap*

             *tap*

                     *tap*

                             *tap*

        what is that? is that the Overseers? are they coming to my door? i got to hide. i can’t let them see me or these letters.

    i quickly gather the letters and stuff them in the hole. i jump inside and put the fabric back to its original form, and just in the nick of time. i hear the door open up and hear the heavy footsteps tippity tap all around the floor. i cover my mouth just in case they could hear my breath howling with rage.

        “what the--?” i hear O-GXM78 frantically say. “where is he?”

the sounds of items being moved gets more frequent as the seconds run up, down, and around the walls.

         “he couldn’t have vanished into nothingness! he couldn’t have left this facility!”

will they find me here?

      they’re getting closer and closer…

               “this is…absurd! this doesn’t make any sense!”

     i hear his footsteps fade out, presuming he left my room.

silence can be so loud sometimes……

          “you must be new, i assume,” someone behind me says.

      i quickly turn around to see a man, who's similar in body and features. his wooden colored skin has formed some subtle waves. i can tell his eyes are supposed to shine brighter than a penny, but something robbed their personality. although a hat lays on top of his head, i can still spot the little curly grey strings springing out and about.

         “who are you?” i ask.

     “honestly, i’ve been stuck inside this hole for so long that my name has slipped through the cracks,” he responds.

             “well, how long have you been inside here? did you create this?”

        “i’m not sure of the proper time, but it’s been long enough to have grey hairs, unless this place has aged me. this hole was here before my time, so who knows how long it’s been down here.”

“have you read these letters?”

            “of course, i have.”

     “i assume you don’t know who wrote these.”

  “your assumption is correct.”

            “well, clearly, you’ve been here longer than me. do you have any idea of what’s going on? why are we here? who put us here? why are we subjected to listen to them?”

      “from what i know, the Overseers have kind of ‘birthed’ us. those are the first people we see. i don’t remember anything before them, and others have said the same thing, so i can assume the same for you. some people say we were stolen from another planet, but those are just rumors so who knows why we are here. there hasn’t been anyone else around other than them, so i guess we have no choice but to follow their command.”

           “but we do, though. they’ve been forcing us to be someone other than us for too long. instead of following their path, we can follow a path we pave.”

                   “hmph. see how far that gets us. trust me, buddy. you’re not the first one to try to stand up to them, and you won’t be the last. i can already see your passion, and, while admirable, it’s best to just accept the role you are destined to play. it’s less heartache on you the quicker you accept that.”

          “why should i have to do that?”

“it’s just easier to do so. my brother tried………”

      “your brother? what happened to him?”

“...we were rehearsing for the show, and every time we would rehearse, he would constantly try to stand his ground, telling them how cruel and inhumane this type of treatment was. they always did what they normally do when someone ‘acts out of character.’ in private spaces, he always talked about wanting to escape and hoped for a better life outside this place, and nothing was going to stop him. he wanted me to come along with him, and part of me did, but my fear usurped my confidence. he was the leader of a rebel group that desired the same goal. sometimes they would meet in here and have their secret conversations on how to get out. on the day of the big performance, they took that opportunity to show their true colors. they were somehow able to break the lights and cause massive chaos and confusion. there was so much going on that night, i didn’t see him for the rest of the night. the next day the Overseers brought all of us onto the main stage and they had some of the rebels they captured hung up in the air, and in the middle of the row was my brother. he had strings attached to him and was covered in bruises and blood. after that fiasco, i only saw him during rehearsal and the performances. i couldn’t help but cry when i saw him. i tried to whisper under my breath to try to talk to him, but he wouldn’t respond. occasionally, he would look at me and a tear rolled down his face. that was the moment where everything changed.”

  “what happened to him? is he still alive?”

          “i don't know. ever since i hid in here, i haven’t seen him?”

        “how did you end up here? shouldn’t they be looking for you?”

                “a small remnant of the rebels made their statement again. the Overseers tried to eliminate and capture as much as they could’ve. i wanted to leave that night, but the fear had my hope in a chokehold. i ran back towards this room and hid in this hole. i’ve been barely surviving here ever since. they might be looking for me, but i don’t want to risk leaving here.”

“i can understand where you’re coming from, but this place isn’t healthy for us,” i say. “the Overseers are never going to change their behaviors and the only viable option is escaping.”

             “if you find some way to leave this place, then what? how are you going to make it out there? we have no idea what’s out there and you might be in a worse situation. i mean, it’s not that bad here. we get fed every day. we have a roof over our head. clothes on our backs. we just got to follow some simple rules, and we won't be on their radar.”

       “funny you say that, considering you’ve been scrunched up in this hole for who knows how long.”

  his lips remained tightly woven up.

“look, i get it,” i softly say. “you’re terrified of turning into your brother and what’s beyond these brick walls, but i have enough confidence that we can be the example. we can have a life that’s pleasing to our eyes. you just have to believe that you deserve better. let’s help each other out.”

           “i don’t know, kid,” he says.

       “you just have to believe me, and in yourself.”

    “.................you know what? let’s do it. let’s do it right now.”

        “oh, okay. i don’t have much of a plan but i can assume you know more about this place than i do.”

that was a tad bit easier than i thought…

     “yeah, i do. there’s another hidden area in the hallway from where the rebels used to gather. we can see if there’s some supplies left over.”

         “okay, cool. let’s go.”

      he notices that the door is slightly open, so we crawl out of the hole and head towards it. while the nerves are infiltrating my skin, i peak my head out to discover a long dark colored hallway. each side has multiple semi-rusting doors. i wonder if that’s where the others are. i spot the Overseers’ backs at the far end of the right side of the hallway. talking. i can’t hear what they’re discussing, but i’m sure it’s about my disappearance. we’re going to have to find a way to sneak around them, so we won’t get caught.

     “this is for your own good,” i softly hear in my ear.

   the guy takes his hands and pushes me fully out of the room, exposing me to the outside.

        he screams as if he’s just seen a bloody murder, and closes the door, getting the attention of the Overseers.

   they all quickly turn around and spot me. O-GXM78 quickly rushes towards me, picks me up, hoists me against the wall, and proceeds to force his shadowy hands around the circumference of my neck and strangles me like someone would do a wash rag.

       i try to force them off, but i am not strong enough to…..

          i can see my air escaping from my mouth….

             i’m starting to feel lightheaded…

               is it getting hot in here?..

                  it’s getting dark.

 

​

      

      my body drops to the ground. i immediately gasp for air and cough up a storm. my eye view alternates from the hallway to darkness.

    “what are you doing?” O-GXF80 pleads to him.

  “he disappeared on us,” he responds. “he deserves to be punished.”

             “yes, he does, but tonight is the big night. we don’t need him to be damaged before then. we can figure out a correctional method afterwards.”

      O-GXF78 comes to pick me up and the world around me fades to black.

​

​

​

 

      i wake up in the shadows of darkness. the limited space doesn’t allow my body to expand no more than an inch. the smell of wood flows through my nostrils………

​

i’m back in the box.

​

     i push the top of the box as hard as i can, but it’s not budging. they must have done something to keep me trapped here.

              i can’t believe he betrayed me. why would he do that? i was only trying to help. for a second, i thought he was helping, but i guess his version of help varies from mine. part of me wants to tell the Overseers about him, for revenge, but is it even worth it?

      i hear the door unlock. then, i hear them jiggling something against the box. light enters the box as all of the Overseers lean creepily over me, with their eyes colored the shade of a newly paved sidewalk.

    they raise me up and take me out of the room. they carry me into the room where we would have to “wash away the self-inflicted dirt” that falls on our bodies.

     after a rushed shower, they carry me back to my room and place me in front of the mirror as they proceed to gather my outfit for my scene. i quickly look away to avoid seeing myself, but i can’t help but notice the rings of agony on my neck in the far corners of my eyes.

 under strict surveillance, they put my clothes on and style my hair.

  “we need to find something to cover your neck up,” O-GXF80 says.

she looks all around the room, but she can’t find anything suitable.

     “okay, we’re going to update the girl in a minute, but we’re going to have you make up an excuse for those markings. just say that one of your patients went crazy and attacked you. got it?”

understood…

         O-GXF80 walks away and O-GXM80 puts his hands and tightly grips it on my shoulder. he leans in close, with his breath taking his shoes off and forcibly stepping inside my head.

    “now, you know tonight is the big show,” he says. “everyone will be watching you guys again. we don’t need any errors, or actions will help correct them, and we don’t want that to happen, right?”

              “no,” i quickly respond. “no, we don’t.”

     “good. let’s make tonight a show to remember.”

           he pats me twice on my right shoulder and all of them carry me to the backstage area.

  tonight. something got to change. i know that a lot is at risk, but the reward is far sweeter.

we don't deserve this.

i don't deserve this.

 

 

 

“ladies and gentlemen!” i hear the announcer project to the audience. “welcome to the next installment of The Show. we’re going to have a good time for the next few hours as we……”

          the rest of his speech goes inaudible.

​

The Show has started.

​

scene one………scene two………scene three

  scene four………scene five………scene six

    scene seven………scene eight………scene nine

   sweat rolls down my body like boulders down a mountain as it’s getting closer and closer to my scene. i don't know how tonight is going to go. the thoughts are killing me.      

              my pretend wife pulls up beside me. she looks like someone slowly devoured her innocence. she doesn’t say a word, but her ghostly eyes could write a full-length movie, plus a sequel.

   as if one of the Overseers just whispered in her ear, she quickly perks up and gets in her position on stage. the big stage lights ooze all over the stage, and i can hear her act out her character.

           my heart beat thumps like a thunderstorm, loud enough to cloud the sounds surrounding me, including my own thoughts. i can’t get it to come down.

why am i feeling this way?

         why is my heart beating like this?

what’s happening to me right now?

        i can feel their eyes scanning my back, and i already know what they want me to do. i head towards the door where i'm supposed to make my entrance.

     calm yourself…

               you’re going to be okay…

          really make tonight a show to remember…

  “hey honey!” i project, stepping through the doors, putting on my best act. “i’m home from work.”

 “hi baby,” she responds in a loving voice. “oh, my goodness! what happened to your neck?”

      “oh this? uh one of my patients didn’t take their medication today and attacked me, but it’s fine. i can just put some cream on it and it’ll heal in a few days or so.”

     “oh okay. how did the operation go? was it difficult to complete?” 

   “it wasn’t actually,” i respond. “due to my knowledge and previous experience, we finished with the client within reasonable time. we actually finished faster than i thought we would.”

          “that’s good. it’s great that you came home early. i get to spend some quality time with you, and we really need some alone time because i think it’s time for us to expand our family. everyone else is having children and it’s making their lives so much better, and so i figured that would make us happier, so let’s do it.”

            she seductively steps forward to be close to me. she takes apart my buttons on my shirt. she leans even closer, with her lips guiding the way.

      here we go again…the time is now to turn things around…

    quick on my feet, i dash towards the record player and put on a record.

            “come on,” i say. “let’s jam to some of our favorite records instead and dance til we can’t anymore.”

   i dance around the kitchen and the living room, trying to enjoy the tunes flowing in my brain. i take her hands and move throughout the living room and kitchen, eventually separating from her and dancing alone. the musical notes are vibrating throughout my body. although my dancing isn’t the best, it’s irrelevant to me. it actually feels nice to have a sense of freedom and control. i feel…like a mighty golden winged bird, freely soaring through the pink and orange clouds. i wish i could feel like this all the time.

       i can sometimes spot her dancing around me, but i can tell she’s constraining herself.

i take a quick glance to the Overseers, and their eyes speak of Hell. they make the color red look like orange. i can sense their anger sizzling off their bodies. i know that they want to get up and decimate my entire existence, but they don't.

    “hey, sweetie,” she nervously speaks. “this is fun and all, but let’s get back on track.”

             she approaches me, gently takes my arm, and takes me to the couch.

  “please, don’t do this,” she whispers to me. “it isn’t worth it. imagine what they’ll do to you now.”

       we sit down on the couch.

   “now. you know what today is.”

“uhh…yeah,” i say. “it’s our first-year anniversary.”

           “yup, and as much as you splurge me with many surprises, there’s something that i want more than anything else in the world.”

       “what is it?”

   “i want a baby, James. i want to expand our family and our love. everyone else is having children and are happy. i want to experience that too.”

   i stare in confusion and frustration.

 she takes my hand and tries to get me to be on top of her. my body turns into an anchor.

            “don’t you think that’s a bit insane?” i ask her.

   she looks at me nervously confused. “what do you mean?”

        “why should we do something just because everyone else is? how come we can’t do what we want?”

   “umm…yes, we should, but there is a standard that we must follow. we’ve been doing it our whole lives. why fix something that isn’t broken?”

        i can tell she’s trying to get back to the script and trying to slip in an undertone message. i understand why, but i want her to understand that change has to occur, and if we don’t take the initiative, we’ll continue to burn our shoes off, running on the same gravel road.

   in the corner of my eye, i notice that one of the seats in the back row is empty. i count how many Overseers i spot and there’s three of them. where did the other one go?

       “let’s think about this for a second,” i say. “if we don’t have children, or if we don’t end up together, or if we change jobs and hobbies, or whatever, then what? the world’s not going to stop rotating. life goes on. we don’t have to always live by society standards.”

   “well, what’s the issue with that? it’s worked for our society for ages. it’s not the end of the world. honey, can we get back on track and g--”

          “that’s not fair though. we should be able to do as we please without fear or judgment or punishment.”

  in the corner of my left eye i spot Hell injected eyes emerging from the darkness of the side stage.

      “i know what you’re trying to do,” they angrily whisper to me. “stop it. and i mean it. stop resisting, stick back to your lines, finish The Show out, and you might get a less harsh punishment.”

  i might’ve reached the point of no return, so…

    “hey, honey,” the girl says softly. “let’s change the subject an-”

 “why?” i interrupt her. “it seems like you’re uncomfortable talking about this.”

        “i’m not. this conversation just seems pointless to have. regardless of how you feel, it won’t change the cards given to you. we have rules that we must follow. if you go against that, then what? will your life automatically get better?”

   “of course. being your authentic self always makes your life better. that’s such a miserable life, being someone you’re not.”

           i peep the old guy from the hole raise his head from the other side of the side stage in my other eye.

       “don’t do this, kid,” he mouths to me with a scared and concerned look on his face. “you’re only digging yourself deeper and deeper. let go. your life will be better if you let go.”

       let go? give in?

i just want change.

   i just want freedom.

      i just want to be happy. enough is enough…

“what is wrong with you guys?” i gruntingly ask. “all of you. why do y’all accept their behavior? it makes no sense.”

      “uhh honey, please don--”

   “don’t ‘honey’ me! this is fake! it’s all fake! i can’t take it anymore! i don’t want to live like this! people! the Overseers are vultures that have done nothing but cause mental, physical, and emotional agony to us. these markings on my neck came from them. all because i refuse to be someone i’m not.”

      “all right, let's settle down M-630,” O-GXM78 tries to say calmly, walking towards me on stage.

   “stay the hell away from me!” i shout out. “you can’t treat me like this anymore! my life does NOT belong to you!”

        he increases his walking speed and lunges for me. he hits the ground, missing me, and i bolt for the long knives on the counter in the kitchen area. i take out two and quickly drive them in the dead center of his cloudy eyes. his blood oozes onto my hands. i take a step back and witness the color in his eyes get slowly eaten away by the shadowy color of his body.

             ……if there wasn’t a point of no return then…it is now.

      the audience screams and causes mayhem, running around the auditorium trying to escape. the remaining Overseers rise from their seats in the back and pulls out electrified sticks and head towards the stage.

   i gotta find a way out of here.

         i jump into the ocean of the crowd, trying to blend in the motion. i try to dodge being trampled on by the giant people running and tripping around me.

      “where did he go?!” i hear one of the Overseers yell.

 their electrified sticks’ sounds amplify the longer they look for me.

           the direction of the crowd is chaotic, but i barely manage to get to the main exit doors.

     i enter this marble lobby area, and i see round sparkling metal golden window doors bunches of feet from me.

  that’s it. that’s my ticket towards the life i deserve. the one i can truly conjure from the roots up.

                i run towards the grand doors when i feel the lower half of my right leg get instantly heavy and i fall to the ground. i see one of the people from the audience fall right next to me. did they step on my leg?

        the deep pain from my lower right leg runs to the rest of my body, and it hurts just to get up, but those doors are calling for me.

      i got to win, by any means necessary.

   i find enough strength to get up and limp towards the doors. with every limp cause suffering, but the endgame will be all worth it.

            the electric sounds come into my hearing range. i look behind me and the remaining Overseers are standing at the auditorium doors, standing there menacingly.

   they increase the intensity of their sticks and rush towards me.

       “don’t let him get away!” one of them yells.

          the closer i get to the doors, the closer they get to me. the electric sounds grow in volume. it feels like it’s about to caress my back. the light from the outside is growing brighter and brighter.

 this is it.

   this is me going home.

    a home where i can build the foundation.

      a home where my happiness comes first.

        the light is getting brighter……….

          the light is getting warmer………

            the electricity is intensifying……..

              my dream is finally real…….

                  i’m almost there……

                      i’m almost home…..

                          home….

                             home…

                                home..

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

“i love you guys so much. y’all have made me the man that i am today. to our first born, Caleb. from the moment you were born into this world, you shined such a bright light into my wife and i’s home. you were the first to expand our family and you have been such a wonderful son. i can’t wait to see you become a great young man. you’re going to get all the ladies. to our second, Rachel. we were so blessed to have our first baby girl. you’re such a sweet and kind little girl. you’re very playful as well. you get that from your mother. to our last one, Isaac. we didn’t think that we were going to have another, but we are so grateful that you came into our lives. you’re very charming and smart. you get that from me. although you’re small, you have your entire life ahead of you. last, but certainly not least, to my loving and devoted wife. you have been there for me through thick and thin. when times were at its lowest, you were always there to lift me up to my highest. i’m extremely grateful that you walked into my life. it feels like you were specifically made for me. i love you and i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. merry Christmas Roots family, and let’s have a happy new year!” i proudly say in my toast.

           everyone lifts up their glasses and clinks them together. we cheer and allow the armor in our mouth to shine brighter than the stars above.

      the audience rises from their seats and applauds and cheers with pride. the standing ovation lasts for several minutes. we rise up, hold hands, and move the upper half of our bodies up and down several times. the big sparkling red curtains close in front of us. i hear the mc get back on stage and close out The Show.

    three Overseers come from the side wings and collect the wife and the children and take them to their respective rooms. three more come out and stand by to watch me. after some time, the other three come back and all six of them put me in a special box, carrying me to my room.

               i get tossed in there and i land on the counter, in front of the big dirty mirror. i hear them quickly reapply several locks on my door. the only thing partially lighting up the room is the lights surrounding the mirror.

       i wipe the makeup off my face, neck, and body and expose the lashings, beatings, wounds, and trauma to myself. i can’t help but release a tsunami just from seeing them. those moments play back in my mind like a movie, except that it doesn’t end.

it. never. ends.

         i look in the mirror and see the person i’ve been conditioned to be. a dull, lifeless marionette. i stare into the mirror longer and see someone different.

      a real human.

someone whose hair can flow like grass and take on the colors of the universe.

  someone whose eyes can compete with the sun.

someone whose clothes can diversify like the cells in my body.

  someone whose mind and soul are honey and gold.

someone……who can be a galloping horse among the great hills.

         the locks from the door make noises and it opens behind me. one of the Overseers emerge in the bright hallway light, standing in the middle of the doorway.

  “get ready for the next show.”

 

​

                                       “Home.”

​